The Balance Condition
by LivvieLocke
Summary: Buffy/Faith. Buffy comes to terms with who she is, what she wants.


Title: The Balance Condition

Title: The Balance Condition

Author: xlivvielockex

Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Prompt: Bells and footfalls and soldiers and dolls

Brothers and lovers she and I were

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 5,216

Author's Notes: Post-Chosen. Not comics compliant.

Faith sat across from Buffy in some dusty, nameless diner that was off Route 66. Or Route 42. Or some route out there that had numbers after it. They had been driving for so long that it was hard to remember what number they were on.

After Sunnydale went crater up, or down in this case, it was off to the nearest hospital. After that, well there wasn't any plan after that. A couple of days spent patching up the hurt girls and herself before Faith announced she was heading off to Cleveland to take care of that Hellmouth. She was surprised Buffy had agreed to go along with her.

So there they sat, in some greasy spoon that probably belonged to some redneck or whatever. Faith was hunched over a trucker special, her elbows out as she shoveled food into her mouth. Among others, she had picked up the nasty habit of convict eating in prison.

Faith looked up, a bit of egg and hash brown hanging out of the side of her mouth when she saw Buffy was just staring into her coffee. "Hey, B, snap out of it." Faith snapped her fingers in front of Buffy's face.

Buffy shoved the fingers away. "You know how annoying that is?"

Faith grinned and reached for the Tabasco. "Not as annoying as a little blonde brooding over her coffee with ten sugars and a cup of milk."

Buffy shot Faith a look and picked up her spoon. She began to stir her already well stirred, and getting cold, coffee.

Faith swallowed, thinking she should say something but she always ended up saying the wrong damn thing. Buffy had been like this since the shock of the destruction wore off. Sure, Spike had given his life up but so did a bunch of Slayers. Shit, a lot of people died cause of The First but now it was toast and they made the world safer. That was enough for Faith to congratulate herself with an order of steak and eggs as the waitress passed.

"Do you have a hollow leg or something? I am not paying for all your food." Buffy finally spoke up.

"You are pretty lousy company anyway." Faith said as she shoveled another forkful of breakfast into her mouth.

"I just lost yet another man I loved, Faith. We can't all just brush it off like you did with Robin."

"I didn't love Robin. Liked him? Maybe. Lusted for him? Hell yeah. But love, hell no. Besides, if anybody should be brooding, should be the string of broken hearts you have left behind." Faith pointed her fork at Buffy.

"What? Wait a minute now. I didn't break any hearts. I had my heart broken. Angel, Scott, Parker, Riley, Spike. They are always leaving me." Buffy had an indignant look on her face. She couldn't believe that Faith was sitting here, saying these things to her. It only got worse when Faith snorted.

"Please, B, you drove those guys away." Faith reached for her milk, chugging half the glass in the blink of an eye.

"I did not drive them away. I screwed up…sure…" Buffy protested but it was a weak one at that.

Faith finally put down not only her glass but her fork as well. She laid her hands on the table, looking across it at B. "Bull. Shit."

"I don't have to sit here and take this. I have the car keys. Giles gave them to me." Buffy made a move to get up but Faith could see it was a bluff.

"You won't go anyplace because you want to hear what I got to say. You," Faith pointed at Buffy, "are too damn hard on men. You are one of the worst girlfriends out there. Not Lorena Bobbit with the cock chopping but you know how to hit a guy in the junk with the emotional."

"I am not a bad girlfriend! I never cheated. And besides, being a Slayer is hard. It isn't my fault if they didn't get that." Buffy tried to defend herself, getting more and more frustrated by the moment.

"I am not talking about cheating and you know it. You played this game with Angel, the whole want you, don't want you, want you cause you don't want me thing. Then you got Riley, who screwed like a robot, all mechanical but all he wanted was to give you the perfect little farm life. Get you all barefoot and pregnant with some little Aryan babies. And Spike, shit…you beat the hell out of that guy and he kept coming back for more. Face it, you are a damn black widow."

The tears started to form in Buffy's eyes now. Faith's words had hurt, she could see that. They had cut Buffy deep but that was the truth. About time the blonde Slayer heard some cold hard truth.

"That was cruel, Faith." Buffy said softly, her voice strained.

"It was cruel but it was the truth. You just ain't cut out for boys, B. You need somebody that understands you and no vampire or farm boy is going to get that. Slayer is all about being alone. Don't let Giles or anybody else tell you otherwise. You know, you told me." Faith picked her fork up again.

"We aren't alone, Faith. We have how many girls out there now because of Willow?" Buffy was trying to steer the topic of conversation off her and show Faith how wrong she was.

"Those girls? Just like us. Just little pieces of a whole. You changing your tune now that you changed the world?" Faith started woofing down her food once more.

"I am not changing my tune. I just think now we can have that normal life. Can take some time off from slaying and maybe I will find what I am looking for." Buffy looked down at her coffee. It was clear by the look on her face; she had no idea what she was looking for.

Faith didn't look up from her food. She didn't have to. She knew the look on B's face and she knew just what Buffy was looking for. She wasn't going to find it at the bottom of that coffee cup and she sure as hell wasn't going to find it attached to the end of a dick.

"I can't believe I volunteered to go with you. It is like road tripping with a garbage disposal. Noisy and just as disgusting." Buffy finally spoke up.

Faith raised her head. "Yeah, why is it that you went all volunteery on me to come along? Could have gone down to L.A., been with your undead boy. You could have made each other miserable."

"Because, if I don't go with you, you would do something stupid and get yourself killed."

"What's it to you? Couple of years ago, you wanted that. Hell, you tried to do it."

"Jeeze, Faith, harsh much today? This PMS or something?"

"No, just waiting for you to admit the real reason you decided to play tag along." Faith pushed the empty plate aside and reached for her glass.

"Someone has to look out for you." Buffy said softly. Her coffee was very interesting at this moment. "Like you said, we are all little parts of a whole. No matter what, you are part of me. That power in me, it went to Kendra, it went to you, it went to the world now."

"Except you put all those little parts together and it makes some explosive."

"Or it is like salad dressing. You know, oil and water, it stays all separated but you shake it up, like an Apocalypse or something and it makes something good." Buffy rambled slightly. She did like the food analogies. Then again, she hadn't eaten for a bit so she might have just been hungry.

Faith grinned, wide, a bit of a twinkle in her eye. "Are you saying you want to shake things up with me, B?"

"No, I mean…you totally didn't get what I was trying to say there. You never do."

"Oh, I think I heard you loud and clear, girl. Maybe that is why you are always so hard on the boys. Because you are like Willow, digging on a little girl on girl action. Come on, fess up, you never even once took a peep in when Willow was getting it on with some chick?" Faith prodded, that grin still firmly set on her lips.

"NO! I never once, okay once, but it was an accident. She forgot to put a sock on the door and I had told her that if she was doing something or had someone over, she had to make sure to put a sock on the door but I guess she just got a little too eager and well, there was no sock."

"And you stayed to watch? Even for a couple of seconds?" Faith's grin widened at the prospect of proper little Buffy watching some hot lesbian action.

"No. I mean, I was shocked and all and…" Buffy found herself cut off as a pair of lips met hers from across the table. She had to admit, this was…different. Not bad. No, not bad at all. But it really felt strange and right at the same time. Kissing Angel, Riley, Spike, none of it was like this. Faith's kiss, it was spicy and sweet at the same time, sending a tingle from her lips right down her front and to her sex. Buffy broke away, putting her hands up.

"Hey, wait now. I didn't agree to this and I am not a lesbian." Buffy wasn't moving though. Her lips still felt warm with the ghost of Faith's lips.

"I ain't a lesbian either. But when I see something I like, well, you know my motto. I didn't change that much in prison. And I wouldn't have done it if you weren't wanting it too." Faith leaned back with a self-satisfied look on her face.

"Maybe…maybe it is just because I haven't been kissed in a while. Did you think about that? The last kiss I had was before we made Sunnydale history."

"No way, no how. You've been thinking about what it would feel like to kiss me since day one. Face it, I am the only one who puts up with your shit and tells you what you need to hear. I am not some wounded puppy or starry eyed farm boy or mushy poet. I'm your other half, your darkness. And I know you just want to touch it."

"You are such a pervert and you are SO wrong." Buffy's protest sounded even weaker than before.

"Suit yourself. But one day, you are going to wake up, and realize I am right. We are two halves of the same coin. You got the heads, I got the tails." Even an innocent sentence like that, Faith could turn it into something perverse and almost like a four letter word.

"Let's just get out of here. You are paying for all this." Buffy motioned to the empty plates before she slid out of the booth.

"Sorry sister, all we's got is the single room. Either you take it or you don't. Won't find another place in town. Big dental convention."

Faith just rolled her eyes at the skinny man with the bad skin. He looked like he probably never got laid in his life. Just stuck at this roadside motel since the day he was born and until the day he would die. She pulled some bills out of her wallet. Buffy was going to be pissed about this but she could deal. "Yeah, whatever. Just give me the room."

She passed the cash to the guy in exchange for a key before coming out to find Buffy against the car. She was taking stock of the area. Probably seeing if she could feel out any vamps or something. She was starting to look restless. Hell, Faith was feeling restless too.

"Heads up." She tossed the key to Buffy, who caught it easily. "They only had one room left, a single. But it has a full bed so we should be cool. Don't ask me to sleep on the floor cause I paid for it. I want bedspace."

Buffy checked the room number. She grabbed her bag out of the backseat of the car and headed for the room. "Fine. Just keep your cold feet off me. No elbowing me in your sleep either."

Faith grabbed her bag, following Buffy. She waited outside the door as Buffy unlocked it. She waited for the blonde to head inside before following after her. She flicked on a light, swearing that she saw some roaches go scattering. "Reminds me of the dive in Sunnydale. Can't say I am sorry that place when into the crater."

Buffy put her bag on the bed while Faith tossed hers on a chair. Faith threw herself onto the bed, grabbing the remote. She flipped on the TV, looking for any kind of national news about what happened.

"Damn, we turn a town into a crater and it doesn't even make CNN. What the hell?" Faith left it on HBO for now, just something to play in the background.

"Probably trying to come up with a reason why it happened. No one is going to believe it was a bunch of ubervamps and a few dozen girls with superpowers. Vampires attack The Bronze, it was a gang war. Sunnydale turns into a crater, I bet they say it was an earthquake." Buffy took a seat next to Faith and pulled her shoes off.

Faith looked at Buffy for a couple of minutes. They hadn't been driving straight through but still, it was taking its toll on her. Maybe because Buffy couldn't drive for shit. Or the fact that Faith made her listen to something that wasn't five gay boys who couldn't play instruments. Buffy needed some stress relief. She needed some stress relief.

"I am sure this little town has to have at least one bar around. What do you say we go out like we used to? Little dancing, maybe a little slaying?" Faith smiled, trying to lift Buffy's spirits.

"I don't know, Faith." Buffy kept her eyes on the television.

"Come on, we can look for Slayer girls. Get their info, send it off to Giles. Cause I know you can't have fun unless you are working." Faith leaned over, gently nudging Buffy. It got a smile from the blonde Slayer and that was all Faith needed.

The music was so loud that Faith could hear her heart pounding along to the bass beat. Who knew that Podunk, USA actually would have a pretty decent club. It reminded her of the days when her and Buffy actually used to cut loose, go to The Bronze, enjoy slaying. Before all the murder and the betrayal and the comas.

She couldn't help herself as she danced up on Buffy, wedging the blonde between herself and a big corn-fed good ol' boy. Buffy had her share of those with Riley but he would do for now. Faith let her hands roam freely all under the pretense of dancing. Thing was, Buffy wasn't protesting at all. She expected at least a little bit. A "Faith, stop" or something. Ever since the diner though, when Faith laid it all out, Buffy had seemed a lot more complacent.

Faith paused when she felt an all too familiar tingle at the back of her mind. For once, it wasn't a tingle that was associated with her sex. This was a vamp alert signal and it was going off loud and clear. She kept up the dancing, head turning around the dance floor, trying to spot them. She looked to B. Just a nod of her head and she knew that B was feeling it too.

They excused themselves from the Riley clone, both heading towards the less crowded bar to talk. Faith swiped a beer along the way. She took a long pull of it, enough to drain it, and set it down. She leaned against the bar, her eyes once more scanning for any sign of the vamps.

"You see 'em, B?" Faith asked, her eyes occasionally looking for another beer to swipe.

Buffy was quiet. Totally in the Slayer mode now. She finally pointed. "Over there, heading downstairs."

Faith pushed off from the bar top with a grin. "Well, hell yeah. And here I thought the trip to Cleveland was going to be a boring one."

"Faith, wait, we should--" Buffy didn't finish as Faith took off for the side door leading down into what was probably a storage area. Buffy walked quickly, pushing through the throng of unaware club goers. She grabbed Faith when she caught up to her, twirling the other woman around to face her.

"I don't have--" Buffy started but was quickly cut off when Faith produced a stake for her with a grin.

"Be prepared, B. Like the boy scouts." Faith drew out her own stake before heading down into the belly of the beast.

"Vampires in a basement, like we haven't done that before." Buffy fired off as she followed Faith down.

Faith reached back and covered Buffy's mouth as she heard the murmur of voices. There was more than one vamp down here. Sounded like there was a whole damn cult. Faith just grinned. This is probably just what they needed to knock the road dust off them.

She pulled her hand from Buffy's mouth and slowly crept down the stairs. Her stake was up and at the ready. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs. The group of vampires didn't even notice the two slayers. They were too busy gathered around a circle, chanting in something that sounded like pig Latin. That was something Giles would know for sure.

"Don't you guys know that private basements went out with Studio 54?" Faith quipped.

"Needs work, Faith." Buffy said as she finally came out from behind Faith to stand next to her.

"Well, I don't usually get to spout off all the cool lines, B."

"We can work on your pre-slaying sayings after we dust these guys." Buffy said right as one of the vampires finally came after them.

Buffy delivered a quick punch to his chest and avoided the one he was sending her way. After The First's little army, this was like a walk in the park. He managed to get a kick in but not before she landed another punch.

Faith had her hands full trading blows with two vamps that looked like rejects from Ratt. Faith wondered just how all these vamps woke up with kung fu knowledge. They get all plugged into The Matrix while they were dead? Cool flick, she'd have to remember to ask B if she'd seen it. She managed to stake one before a second got a hold of her. She struggled to break out of his grip. "Hey, no touching above the waist unless you buy me dinner, big boy."

Buffy was having troubles of her own. After staking the first vamp easily, she found herself in a hand to sword combat with a second. She was ducking each swing from the blade, really concerned that he was going to catch her hair. She already had a haircut, thank you. She didn't need a second one. She grabbed his wrist on one of his swings, turning it until she heard the cracking sound and saw the sword drop to the floor. It wasn't but a few seconds before the vamp was dust.

Faith had managed to break free of the vampire's hold on her and had wrestled him to the floor. She took a few punches to the face before she rammed the stake home. She got up quickly, spotting Buffy having it out with another vampire. It looked like the last one and no way was she going to let B stake him!

Buffy was trading blows with the last vampire. He was a little too dumb to just run away apparently. Or maybe he knew that he would have two sexy girls with superpowers on his ass if he did. Buffy raised her stake up, plunging it into his chest. At the same moment, Faith came from behind, slamming her stake home through the vamp's back.

As he crumbled to dust, Buffy and Faith stood face to face with one another. There was a moment of silence, something unspoken passing between them. It was something that only they would ever understand. It was the primal part of them, that power inside, the thrill that came from doing what they were made to do.

Faith was the first to break the moment with a lopsided grin. "Double stake-age. Has to be a market for movies like that. Two girls, one vamp, I'm turned on."

Buffy smiled. She had to. They probably just saved a whole club of people not to mention whatever ritual these guys were doing. Buffy slid the stake behind her back in the waistband of her pants. "Watching the Weather Channel turns you on, Faith."

"Can't help it, all that talk about warm, moist fronts." Faith just grinned as she mimicked Buffy with her own stake.

Buffy noticed the bit of bruising on Faith's face and the split lip. The concern she felt in that moment was different than just the usual concern for someone who fought alongside you, more than just a friend. It was the kind of concern she felt for Dawn. Or more so, the kind of concern she felt when anyone in her patchwork family was hurt. "You okay?"

Faith reached up to touch her split lip." Five by five, B. I am starving though." Faith rubbed her stomach, pushing her shirt up just enough to show a hint of stomach.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Well, how about a beer and a huge meal at that greasy diner by the motel?"

"Sounds damn good. Maybe I will get you drunk and take advantage of you." Faith joked as she headed up the stairs.

"Who knows, Faith. Might be your lucky night." Buffy smiled back as she passed the rather stunned brunette.

Two huge steak dinners and way too many beers later, Faith was trying to unlock the door to their motel room. There was something to be said for the Slayer constitution but it really wasn't helping when coupled with days on the road, limited sleep, and a few knocks to the head. Neither was drunk but they were feeling just this side of very happy.

Faith pushed the door open, letting Buffy go in first, and closing the door after she headed inside. She tossed the keys onto a table before collapsing into one of the cheap motel chairs to yank her boots off.

"You want the shower first?" Faith looked over to Buffy, who had already gotten her own shoes off and was rummaging in her duffle bag for a change of clothes.

"Yeah. I paid for dinner, remember. It wasn't all you can eat, you know." Buffy shot Faith a bit of a look.

"You are the responsible adult with Giles' credit card. I am sure he isn't going to mind a victory dinner. Especially when you bat those big lashes at him."

Buffy snickered softly. She probably could get away with it. She could even get away with a couple of pairs of shoes, she bet. That would have to wait until tomorrow. She took her change of clothes and stood up, heading into the bathroom. Her only thoughts were shower and new shoes, shower and new shoes. It was a mantra going over and over in her mind.

The hot water felt good. It felt especially nice to be washing away all the dust and grime of slayage. It wasn't a glamorous job that was for sure. People hardly ever said thanks. You didn't get a salary. Now the whole world was filled with girls that were going to find that out. She was right when she told Faith that they were no longer alone but in some ways, they were more alone than ever. It was just her and Faith, the only two in the world that knew what it was like before the spell.

Buffy exited the shower after a good soap down. She dried herself off and slipped into her pajamas before heading back out into the main room. Faith was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching some violent movie on the television.

"You ever seen The Matrix?" Faith said, not looking over.

"Uh…yeah…why?" Buffy put her dirty clothes into a bag and then put the bag into her duffle.

"Was just thinking about it while I was fighting. That's all. Like how do all vamps know kung fu? They always fight." Faith stood up and began stripping her clothes off, seemingly oblivious to Buffy standing there.

"Faith, hey, woah! Clothes! I don't need to relive high school gym." Buffy turned her head away quickly. Her curiosity was getting the better of her though, the longer Faith stayed out of the bathroom. She had seen girls naked before, of course. There was something deeper there, something she couldn't define.

"Not like you don't have the same parts. Mine are just a bit darker and probably furrier. You know how hard it was to get a decent razor in jail? And then at Slayer Central, forget about it. I was more worried about getting shanked there for taking a Bic than I was in the big house." She didn't say anything else as she headed into the bathroom to take her shower.

Buffy watched as Faith disappeared into the bathroom and then it hit her like a ton of bricks. Nothing in Buffy's life had ever just fallen into place. She didn't do the big life revelations. She just did what she was supposed to do as The Slayer. She was The Chosen One. Now…now she knew though and she felt an enormous sense of relief. She just wanted to be Buffy Summers, whatever that meant. She wanted to feel loved. She wanted to feel like she belonged. She wanted to feel that rush of excitement and exhilaration that she always felt with Faith. Whether they were fighting side by side or against each other, when she was with Faith, she felt alive.

Faith showered the way that she ate, the way she learned to do while in the system. It was quick, efficient, and used as little of the tub space as possible. She had spent more time than she wanted to think about showering in a line with a bunch of other women, sharing soap, and other things. She dried and dressed just as quickly. Considering how freaked out Buffy had been when she had undressed, she could only imagine the freakout she would get if she came back out slightly wet and naked. Though, could be the start of something fun.

When she came out, the TV was off and Buffy was already in bed. "Guess my movie was over?"

"Yeah. And we need to get an early start so we can get into Cleveland by late afternoon. Giles is having some people meet us there. Apparently, Bringers didn't kill everyone in the Council after all."

"That is just laziness and poor planning." Faith grinned as she slipped under the covers on the other side of the bed. She lay there, looking up at the ceiling. She put her hands behind her head. All she really wanted to do was take Buffy into her arms, give her another kiss, and finally prove that the one Buffy really loved was her, the mirror image of herself, the darker side of herself.

She was about half a minute away from doing it when she felt an unfamiliar weight against her side, an arm curling around her middle. She thought she was dreaming until she smelled Buffy's shampoo, felt the weight of her head against her chest. Faith held her breath. She was worried B was sleeping or if she did anything, it would ruin this moment.

"You were right."

"Wait, what?" Faith had to breathe; she had to make sure that she heard that right.

"I am not going to say it again, Faith."

"I am just looking for a bit of explanation, B. Not that I am not loving the whole snuggling up thing here but still."

"I was thinking about what you said. All parts of the same whole. This is my whole self-reflection. I always felt alive when we were together. Sure, we fight and part of me probably wants to kill you still. But opposites attract, or something. Though we are both girls so that part doesn't really work that well."

Faith was quiet for a moment. She wasn't sure what to say. "When The First came to me, never told you it came to me, it told me that all I ever really wanted was for you to love me." Faith couldn't look down at Buffy when she said that. It was the truth though and Buffy needed to hear that.

"Sounds like we've both been doing a lot of thinking on this trip. I keep thinking why did I come? I could have done anything but I wanted to come with you. So why? Because I want to be with you. And then I was like okay, be with her like that? The more I thought about it, yeah, I do."

"That is a mighty big step there. Not sure you are ready." Faith chuckled softly, trying to break the oddly emotional moment that was filling up the room.

"Probably not. I just know that when I am with you, I totally feel alive. Dancing, kicking ass, just hanging out and eating. I just want to be with you. It was like that before too. I ditched my friends to hang out with you, ditched school."

"I don't know if I would chalked that one up to me. School pretty much sucks no matter what. I get what you are saying. It was cool, all the time we spent together. I liked just coming over for dinner. So what does that mean? All that thinking?"

"I think I have finally found out who I am. I am a Slayer. Not The. Just a. And I feel better when I am around other Slayers. Or maybe just one particular Slayer. And that is good right now." Buffy moved a little closer to Faith. It felt good and it felt right.

"Well, how about we focus on you being -a- lesbian once we get settled in Cleveland." Faith chuckled once more as she tentatively put an arm around Buffy.

Buffy paused for a moment and then nodded her head. "That sounds like a good plan. I still have some other stuff I have to sort out."

"So this is good for right now right? This holding thing? You are good?" She was hesitant as she asked Buffy.

"Five by five, Faith…five by five."


End file.
